Asking or Telling.

People learn in many different ways, rote memorization, teaching, watching, listening, they say we learn by absorbing what life offers you.

My experience has shown me that there are many strategies, tools that I can use to try to teach, or guide my children in the right direction. But what I have seen, is that kids with A.D.D. or O.D.D., tend not to take these tools, where as my children without these problems in fact take the tools and implement them into there daily lives.

At parenting class, I learned that I couldn't speak in generalities to my son, who at the time was 3 years old. So for example,I needed to understand the difference between asking and telling. "Could you clean up your room please" - really means that you are asking a question that gives him the option of saying yes or no. And of course that is not what my intent is, really I am telling him to do it without option, therefore I need to say "Clean up your room now please". With that said, there are things that I ask, which now is clear he does have an option, "Can you pick that up?", "Could you sit down with me for a while?"  If I ask then I am aware that I have given him the option to say no.

Break chores down.
The same thing with chores, asking him to tidy up his room never works, it needs to be broken down. "Pick up the Lego and put them in the white box, please", when that is finished I might follow with "Now, put your blanket really nicely over your bed", and finish up with, "Please, put your dirty laundry in the hamper". This gets his room cleaned in three clear steps, without my help.

This type of clarity has helped my children a lot, the ones without these types of problems take this structure and can easily break down chores, delegate and complete things without too much trouble. My A.D.D. child will still find tidying a space to be a daunting chore.

I can only hope with years of this type of structure, they will one day be able to take these tools and apply them to their daily lives.